The never ending unlearning.

I can see where a lot of people will totally disregard what follows.  It's like convincing a Christian that their idea of god is incorrect; so ingrained since birth are they that they cannot see through the fog of culture even if you smack them right in the face with some truth.  It is no different with gender.  The evidence is overwhelming, so if you think what this culture is selling is how it really is you probably are not going to like this one.  If your identity regarding being a man or a woman is based on what this culture says that is; you are a sexist. 

Sexist: Believing that one sex is inferior to the other in a variety of attributes.   Resulting from or relating to the belief that one sex is inferior to the other in a variety of attributes. 

Be careful here.  Don’t formulate that opinion before continuing.  Put it aside.  Don’t be the sexist who doesn’t even know they are sexist.  Don’t be the atheist that still follows Christian dogma.  Don’t be the female who never learns logic, or the male who never gets in touch with his emotional content.  Don’t think that just because you have good intentions for the opposite sex that this means you are not sexist.  It goes much deeper than that. 

In what follows it is important to realize a few truths regarding so called modern psychology.  Psychology is just like everything else; there are those who know what is up and those who do not.  Unfortunately, it all gets wrapped up under the same label.  It is no different with anything else, preachers, scientists, astrologists, doctors, on and on that list goes, with those who know what they are talking about and those who do not.  Discerning the difference takes some work. 

Sadly, a great deal of psychology is under the bent of producing the greatest number of efficient workers.  It is not designed to produce true, healthy individuals.  True healthy individuals do not increase GDP.  If one falls outside of what psychology has determined to be the best human then there is something wrong with that individual.  This concept is taught from birth in this culture.  This is a flawed way in which to view the human being.  This whole idea of defining what is and what is not a flawed human being is quite devastating to our culture, when it is flawed human beings defining the terms.

In psychology there are a great deal of assumptions that get casually looked over all the time.  The implied truths beneath the "study" are ignored in face of the research itself.  It is quite important to have some sense of self before delving into the field of psychology.  It's the same as forming one's own worldview regarding metaphysics; if one of the foundational beliefs is off just a tiny little bit, the whole system is incorrect.   Unfortunately the majority of psychological work done under the term of gender has made such a mistake.  It's all done with very subtle flaws in worldview.  Because of some false premises in the very beginning, the whole system is whack.  This doesn't mean that there are not tidbits of truth within it, but that one must carefully sift through to figure out what is what.  In this case, I am speaking specifically about the use of the words regarding gender.  Males are this way, females are this way, and to stray from this guideline somehow means one is not normal.  I am here to tell you that nothing could be further from the truth.

It is important to understand that no matter what label one uses, or what system one builds, there will always be exceptions, anomalies.  Anomalies have anomalies.  Realizing this, it immediately becomes impossible to make a statement regarding gender.  We can't even say that all females will have a vagina, or that all males will have testicles.  We have already admitted that no matter what we say, we will find an anomaly.  If I say, all men, are such and such a way, one will immediately be able to find a man who is not, but is a man all the same.  A classic stereotype is the idea that women are meant to raise children.  The second one makes this statement one can find women who are not ideal for raising children, yet they are women all the same.  I can easily find men more than capable of nurturing children.

The issue is the labeling we use.  The fact that words do not exist in the mind, but images do is critical to understand.  When we use the word female, for each of us, an image comes to mind that happens to be much more than just the word female.  Pointing this out immediately makes the issue quite deep.   Because of our birth in this culture, we were steeped by the collective conscious, its images and ideas, regarding what it is to be male or female.  This was imprinted on us as children before we could realize it was happening.  The issue is that this culture was built on lies and that as children we have no way to keep it from being imprinted into our minds. 

It's not really a competition, but we are defined in our relationship with others, so on a certain level it is impossible to not compare.  It is how we achieve context in our own inner world.  I see things in others and relate those ideas to my Self.  I don't know that I can say that I have ever known anyone to be more hyper masculinized than I.  It has definitely been one of the more defining qualities of my life, and because of this, what it means to be a man has been of the upmost importance in my life.  Besides loving a woman, nothing has been more important to me.  Being a man and loving a woman are hand in hand.  Ultimately though, I decided I was not going to let anyone else define what a man was.  As I became more aware of the situation I realized I didn't know any real men.  I took some advice along the way, from lesser men, but I was forced to create my own definition. 

More than any other phrase in life, "Don't be a pussy," was ingrained into my mind.  This term is quite negative in my mind.  It rings in my mind still to this day.  Raised as I was, I was ingrained to believe being female was the worst thing possible, the worst imaginable.  This caused my life to be quite uncomfortable as a child because my personality is quite feminine.  I was at war with myself before I was four years old.  I was completely brainwashed to associate being feminine with being weak, which meant I was brainwashed to think I was weak.  I was constantly told that the way I was, was weak and inferior, and that something was wrong with me.  It was a source of great shame, yet in the end, the most masculine thing a male can do is be feminine.  Oh the irony. 

Realizing this intellectually is one thing, integrating it emotionally is another thing all together.  I know a fifty year old man still tormented in life because he can't emotionally accept that his feelings are quite feminine.  Like me, using this broken cultures labels he is a woman in a man's body.  I understand his pain.   I didn’t want to be this man though, still lost at 50.  I had enough awareness to see this future for myself if I didn’t do something about it.  Upon actually, physically becoming a grown male, my emotional content was for all functioning purposes; destroyed.  What made this process of unlearning inevitable was that my personality is quite androgynous and in this culture there is no room or acceptance of such a thing, so there wasn’t really any help available to me.  For many years in my life it looked pretty bleak.  It was either figure it out, or be a fifty year old emotionally tormented male.  That is just not my thing.  It isn't sexy at all.

It's like the twins who created stories for why they were perfectionist; I created stories for why I was both a man and a woman internally.  I blamed external forces for the way I was internally.  Naturally at first it was all mixed up.  The truth is, I am what I am, just like everyone else, for no other reason than that.  It is what it is.  That is the real truth.  I am not male or female.  I am just me.  It is this culture that generated the image of male and female, and this culture was designed by sociopaths.  The meanest, cruelest, most crazy of people designed this culture.  It's easily verifiable.  Still to this day bigots are given a voice in our culture.  That is why women still are not treated equally.  It is why discrimination still exists; bigots are given a voice. 

The people who raised me gave me nothing but lies.  They swallowed the culture whole without asking a single question as to why, and without even realizing it, forced it upon me.  Luckily for me it was my wish to know the truth, and that brought me out of the mess.  The truth set me free.  The truth is, there is no one certain way that anyone acts because of their gender.  Gender has absolutely nothing to do with one's true sense of Self, which means it has nothing to do with our innate personality.  At the best it can only be said to affect our personality, but mostly it is the culture which does this.  It is this culture that ingrains the female/male polarity into our minds.  Having a vagina or testicles has nothing to do with how one feels as a person.  We use these labels because of this culture, not because it has any bearing on the truth of what it means to be a human being. 

There are no female qualities or male qualities, there are only human qualities and they are equally distributed among us all.  These psychologists, who are broken themselves, measure broken people, not whole and fulfilled people, and then proceed to speak as if they do know what is what.  The reason for the seeming stereotypes is because of a system that perpetuates lies.  We all believe that certain qualities are feminine or masculine because there are so many who buy into the lie that our gender causes us to be some certain way.  It just habitually gets passed on generation after generation.  Psychology perpetuates the lie.  Christianity practically enforces it still to this day.  In 2014 there are still more than a few churches, worldwide, which openly degrade women. 

For most people it is so overwhelming that they never get out of it, and then there are ones who cannot keep from getting out of it no matter what the circumstance. 

I can attest to this personally because no matter how hard those who raised me beat and humiliated me, no matter how hard this culture tried to shame it out of me; I am in touch with my feminine side more than ever.  The first step-dad would whoop my ass for being wild, then whoop me some more for crying like a girl for being whooped in the first place.  I promise, the dude tried really hard to make me a "man."  More than a few times I was punched in the head because I was crying after being whooped with a leather belt.  I consider myself to be living proof you can't beat or ridicule the personality out of someone.  I am still as sensitive as ever, I just stopped beating myself up for it.  That was the most damaging part of it all; they taught me to beat myself up too. 

I don't mind being labeled femininely anymore.  It can be uncomfortable, outnumbered as I am, but with age people don't really say the stuff to your face like they do when you're a kid.  People stuck in this culture have quite a problem with that statement, "I am a woman on the inside," simply because their eyes describe to them a six foot tall, alpha male in physical form, with a really deep voice, which leaves them quite unprepared for the emotional, intuitive side of me that is pretty much just a woman.  So blinded are most by culture, that sentence doesn't even make sense to them.  It's kind of hilarious and sad all at the same time. 

I used to say that there is nothing more powerful than a woman in a male body; a woman with balls.  As I came out of my shell I began taking pride in it.  So what if I act like a woman?  It's not like anyone can stop me.  It's exhilarating to stop caring what others think.  Embracing the power of emotion and intuition, and then combining that with the physical ability to carry out any and all actions is a very glorious feeling that I wish everyone could know.  What could be more powerful in social settings than to have all the human qualities at once, logical rational thought, with intuition and feeling?  I did not have the disadvantage of being raised second to males.  I was treated like a male.  I had the advantage of being toughened, a girl raised to be a man.  

Looking back no one had any idea what I was going through.  All anyone ever saw me as was a male.  I was being raised to be something that I was not.  People are often so sexist that can’t comprehend someone being feminine, yet not gay.  No one when I was a child was even capable of considering that I was so feminine because that would mean I had to be gay.  They were so ignorant all they could say was that there was something wrong with me.  At the very least that is how I always felt.  Because I have a male body I was pushed, driven, and literally forced to be tough, and to overcome my inner self to achieve in the material world.  To be a man you can't have feelings. 

I am not, in any way shape or form, claiming that I know what it is like to be an actual female.  I know what it is like to be a young boy with feelings and intuition abused in a sexist society.  Even describing me as a woman on the inside is not accurate, it’s just that I am forced to use the images this culture generates to express an idea in words.  I am not a woman on the inside; I am who I am on the inside.  This whack culture just happens to think the way I am on the inside is that of a woman. 

I cannot even imagine living in a world where everyone just unconsciously expects me to be a lesser human being, which is what happens to females.  I am saying though, that by accepting my Self, as I am, I know exactly what it is like to be emotional and intuitional like a female.  This tells me that anyone can do the same.  I know more than a few females who I relate with quite openly, and they can attest to this ability.  They are also the primary reason I was able to overcome what was done to me.  Without the help of my female friends I would not have been able to undo what was done to me.  Their friendship and understanding gave me the ability to discover my true Self.   They can also attest to how quickly it freaks out a stereotypical sexist male if I were to be my true self in their presence.  I've tested this many times, and it never fails to freak out sexists.  Dudes don't know what to do with a bitch with balls. 

Luckily for me, I have never let the negative attitudes of others completely prevent me from doing my thing in life.   As if I could ever stifle my emotions just because someone else said I should.   Somehow, in all that mess, I still managed to love myself just enough to peek through the bullshit.   I believed that crap when I was young, but now I know better.  Instead of driving those abilities out of myself, I learned to embrace them.   I have not found a single reason as to why girls are not taught to develop a logical thought process and boys are not taught to be in touch with their emotions and intuition.  That simple change would bring about a major shift in world problems.  It is not a crazy idea that we all be capable of both.  All humans should have these traits regardless of gender. 

How much further along would we be as a race if we all embraced this?

I believe that males are just as suppressed by this patriarchal culture as females are. Most people never actually get an education because they believe they are educated.  Most people never discover the truth regarding god because they already think they know what that is.  The majority of men never actually become men because they believe they are already so, more often than not, simply because they were born with a penis.  They believe they are superior to a female simply because they are male, therefore, they never actually become superior.  It is just as devastating to falsely believe one is superior as it is to believe one is inferior.   On both sides of the gender issue the lies are keeping everyone from achieving their potential.  It could almost be said that it is worse for the male in this regard because it is easy for the female to see she has been repressed. 

For every woman that does not fulfill her potential because she inherently believes she is weak, there is a male failing to do the same because he never figured out how to get in touch with his own emotional content.   Doomed on both sides to only ever be 1/10th of what one is capable of.  It is just as crippling to stifle boys emotions as it is to tell girls they can't climb a tree because they might get hurt.  I say let him cry and let her fall down.  Crying is the emotions getting stronger.  These ideas literally suppress generations of boys and girls, keeping them from ever fulfilling their potential. 

A classic example and I have seen this many times, is when a new father finds his son doing feminine things.  Like playing with dolls, dressing them, and so on.  Certain fathers become quite distressed by this, which I find to be quite ignorant.  The poor child, before he is even old enough to speak clearly is already being suppressed by his father’s false ideas regarding gender.  The child is already doomed to be only a fraction of his potential because his feminine side is being stifled before he even knew he had feminine qualities.  The child may never know it.  Most children never have a chance.

Can you see the frustration of this?  It frustrates me because I can't even discuss it without using the labels of a broken culture.  I need to create my own words and define the terms.  Can you see how it happened to you?  Male and female qualities; these ideas do not exist in reality.   The images these labels generate in our minds are precisely the problem.  These qualities portrayed as they are by society are neither feminine nor masculine.  Dressing dolls is not a feminine quality, it’s a human quality.  If you identify a child dressing up dolls as being feminine, you friend, are a sexist.  Crying is not a feminine quality.  Being tough is not a masculine quality.   Dressing up in outfits is not feminine, but human, unless of course, you are being raised by a homophobic sexist.  Then one will be quite aware of the differences, forever after suppressing one or the other, until that day comes when one snaps out of it, if that day ever comes.

I speak from personal experience, as one who has suffered the ridicule of a sexist society all my life.  One who, like most I assume, never really gets to be himself, in public at least, because of the overwhelming sexism in the culture.  Always wearing a façade to prevent the ridicule of bigots?  Even if it does not bother me emotionally that they do so, it still has an effect.  Their thoughts are things too. 

Ultimately though, I can say it with complete confidence; being in touch with one's Self, no matter what that might be, despite whatever this culture might say, is the only way to go.