You see, I seem
narcissistic to most because most have parents.
I talk about myself right to people.
Probably thinking what does having a family have to do with it? Most have a family right? If you are like me and you don't have a
family, one must still generate that feeling for one's self. I can't actually generate a family, but if I
don't generate the feeling one has from having a family, I am lost. It's the sense of self that comes from having
parents, having a family that one must build.
No one would ever call a person narcissistic because they talked about
their family, but when you don't have a family, what are you supposed to talk
about? You talk about yourself.
Ultimately this is
true of everyone; we are all alone in the world, but a great many never realize
it because their families are always there.
It's an unconscious phenomenon to be connected with one's family. The only way to know what it is like to not
have one is to cut those ties. No one is
willingly going to do that if their family is loving and caring. It can be one of the hardest things to get
through to someone; that their family really wasn't the great thing they like to think it is. I've met so many people who were abused as
children and never realized it because they want to believe they have a
family. It's that bias of having an
opinion before assessing the situation.
People have an opinion already in mind, an image, something made up in
the imagination, and then they look at their family. People will say, "Oh well, he's my
dad," and then totally accept that they were abused as if his being the
person that got their mother pregnant actually justifies abuse. or somehow that makes it okay to be abusive. And why did the mother allow it to
happen? A great many people do not wish
to come to terms with this.
This is definitely
one of the lines that is drawn in the sand by culture. That is to say, people are either on one side
or the other, one either has parents or they don't, and the culture as a whole
makes sure one knows which side they are on.
There is no grey area here, except when in transition. It's that switch I spoke of previously. Having no family generates a certain feeling
on the inside. It causes a biological
change. I didn't want to self-destruct,
so I had to fill the hole. I tried to
fill the hole with other people, but they always let me down. They have always betrayed me.
So eventually I filled that vacant feeling
with my very own sense of self. It's genius and
it works. I searched and searched, with all my might for the answer to this riddle. I never found anyone to help me with it. I've never read it said that
way before. I taught myself to love my
Self because no one else did. No one else could do that for me. The only
consequence of this is to be misunderstood, but as Emerson so perfectly
expressed in Self-Reliance, “to be great is to be misunderstood.” Most people don't understand it because they
have not learned to truly love themselves, so they just think they do because they
believe what the culture told them.
I remember sitting
in a pizza shop with two friends a few years ago. My friends were both talking about their
families and telling stories about their childhood. I never engage in these conversations, so I
was just listening. If I were to talk to
these two about my childhood they would forever after see me differently. Their view of me would forever after be
tainted with pity. These two women
didn't know me well enough to know about my past. I can’t stand being pitied. One of them was talking about how she got a
spanking once for doing something wrong.
She got spanked once. She was
explaining how it was the only time she was ever spanked and how it still to
this day stands out in her mind. Her
spanking amounted to a couple swats on the butt. Where I come from that is a warning. In her mind being spanked once was traumatic. I remember looking at her and thinking, who
would she be if she had been raised like me?
Who would I be if I had been raised like her?
People with families
are dependent on their families even if they don't think they are. Looking out, I can see that everyone is
connected unconsciously, which is exactly the problem; it is unconscious. Most are totally unconscious
that they have an unconscious mind, not to mention all it's enormous powers. One
can't consciously turn off the unconscious connection. It just is.
We are all connected; it’s just a matter of degrees on how much that is
so, and how aware one is of that fact.
Without having the experience of not having a family, one cannot know
what they would be like without it. The
John Doe with a family and the John Doe without a family are entirely different
John Does. People can intellectualize
about it all day, but they won't actually know until it happens. Look up the statistics and life stories
regarding men whose spouse dies. The
John Doe after his spouse dies is never the same again. These events change us physiologically. These events change our very function. Think about how this plays out in the
entirety of a life. Think of the child
thrown under the bus from day one. As if that person will ever act like all those with a family. A
person with a family can only imagine.
Can you see the huge
problem this issue creates? For the most
part it is people with families calling the shots. The ones who never really wake up in life because
their whole life was lived in comfort.
Even in their most frantic states they are safe. Almost all of the health care people, the teachers, college professors,
doctors, lawyers, nurses, judges, and politicians, almost all the people making
the important decisions about our communities; most of them have no idea what
is really going on. They make huge life
changing decisions regarding things they truly don't understand at all, and
they do it all day long.
I've met so many of
these people over the years it overwhelmed me.
The bitterness of it got the better of me for a while. I spent enormous amounts of time alone
attempting to wrap my head around it all.
I've spent most of my life searching for a like mind. College was more disappointing in my life
than the woman who gave birth to me was.
I got really depressed because of how ignorant college was. It’s not fair to expect that woman to be
intelligent simply because she gave birth to me, but it is fair to expect the
people in charge of colleges to be intelligent. I truly believed that when I got to college
I would finally be around intelligent people who understood what was going on
in our culture; it was a huge disappointment.
I learned that the
word education has no value in public education. During four years of college I found two
people who understood, maybe three, because that last person was borderline
aware. The cards were still on the table
for her. Almost all of the people that I met
take their life for granted with no genuine appreciation at all. They are so blinded by the lies of this
culture that even when they think they are showing appreciation they really
are not.
They take so much
for granted. They assume so many things
simply because they were told to. You
get it right? They are the ones who
complain about health care then feed their kids McDonalds. Complain about the economy, but are in debt
to Bank of America. My favorite was the
college administrator who talked about health care issues while his college fed
the dorm kids poison like it is going out of style. How does a guy get to be one of the top
administrators of a college, which is a multi-million dollar business, yet he
can't even recognize something so blatantly obvious right in front of his
face? If you don't want health care
problems, don't eat poisonous food. It's
common sense, yet an "educated" college administrator doesn't see
it? He is blinding generations of
children from the truth and he doesn't even know it. Perpetuating lies for a salary. He openly participates in feeding children
poison for a paycheck while calling them educated as they do so. It really is absurd if you think about it at
all.
The truth is, that
guy didn't know how to take care of himself, yet he is deciding what is
best for others. If he doesn't even know what is best for himself how can he possibly know what is best for someone else? It's everywhere. This is why I don't care what others say. This is why I don't care about their rules
and regulations. It's why I don't care
if people think I am narcissistic, or an asshole. It's
not that I hate them, or even dislike them, I let the bitterness go, but that I see them for what
they are; decisions made by ignorant people.
We are all connected. It affects
us all. People with no real education,
no understanding, no awareness, yet are in charge of our communities, big and
small, are letting terrible things happen. Most of them just want that
paycheck. They want recognition. They aren't making those important decisions
for our well-being, but for their own paycheck and notoriety. I don’t understand why they can’t do both;
handle our over all well being, and make money, and have recognition?
It's crippling us
all.
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