Life in effect.

It’s that moment that I hope for.  It’s the main reason I do what I do.  It makes all the criticism and hate I receive worth it.

It goes by different names, but not many understand it.  Only my closest friends, those who take the time to actually get to know me, understand the purpose of what I do.  Narcissistic, cocky, arrogant, ass, on and on that list goes.  It is easy to judge the surface of someone’s behavior, but it’s another thing to look at the depths to see what is really going on.  My “in your face” antics have a very specific purpose.

I am all about sticking up for one’s self.  I am all about leading by example.   Most people will readily admit that this culture is whack, but then will keep adhering to its social norms.  My favorite spiritual guide, Jiddu Krishnamurti points it out quite clearly when he says, “It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.”  After reading that, it should be easy to disqualify the adjectives such as narcissistic, cocky, arrogant, and ass from the mouths of those who have not stepped out of this whack culture.  They are well adjusted to a sick society and see healthy behavior as a negative.  

During this past holiday season, while spending time with family, a close friend of mine had her younger brother read my Motherless blog.  She said he did not read them all, but read several of them, and after reading them she asked him what he thought.  Keep in mind that her brother knows me, but did not know it was my writing that he was reading.  He told her that it was really messed up that people raise their kids like that.

You see, her brother looks up to me in a certain way.  I am a whole list of things that he is not, but wishes to be.  Confident, or as some say cocky.  Sure of myself, or as some say narcissistic.  I do well with women, or as some would say arrogant.  I am self made, or as some would say, an ass.  He and I have even talked about his position in life.  He never called me those seemingly negative names because deep down he wishes he was those things too.  

After he read some of the blog posts and told his sister that it was messed up, she told him it was me that wrote it.  All he could say was Wow! with a shocked look on his face.  He had no clue that I would have been the author of those stories.  

The issue is, he was not raised appropriately either, he just wasn’t physically abused.  He wasn’t raised correctly at all.  So you see, when he realized it was me who wrote that, he was directly faced with the reality of the situation; he can be just like me.  Not in personality, but in awareness.  If I can do it; anyone can.  If I can overcome that abuse and neglect, so can he.

For me, that is what it’s all about.  I tell my story for just that reason.  When people see how amazing I am, realize where I come from, then they too realize that they can be just as amazing.  By sticking up for myself, and leading by example, I show others they can do it too.  What could possibly be more fulfilling than that?

When people see me in public they cannot even imagine what I have been through.  They cannot even imagine that I spent most of my life with no confidence, no self-esteem, no self-worth.  I spent most of my life just like my friends brother.  If I didn’t tell my story how would he know that he too can climb out of the whole?  Life in effect.  I don’t act special because I am better than anyone else.  I act special because that is exactly what I am.  I am just patiently waiting for everyone else to realize that they are special too.