A big change

He was just a drunk, an every other weekend dad. He has never made any attempt to be my father.  Ever. Just like we were to her, we were just an obligation that had to be taken care of so that he didn't feel even more shame about his state of affairs. He didn't want us, but because we were there he had to at least pick us up every other weekend. He never really did anything with either of us. Because I hated her so much, when I turned thirteen, I got to go live with him instead. It is not possible for me to describe my hatred for her, and living with her only made it worse day by day. She and I would argue about my going and living with him all the time. Finally she resigned and allowed me to go live with him. Even though she had left my first step father by this time, the damage had already been done.

The man had no idea what he was getting himself into. He went from seeing me every other weekend to having me full time. Most times when we spent the weeks ends with him we just played in our rooms the whole time anyways, or outside, whichever we were allowed. Even then it was almost laughable. He was just a drunk. Every night he would drink Jack Daniels or Kessler until he passed out. He played in a band so he would either watch TV or play his bass guitar. He never did anything else. Neither of them ever went to my sporting events. I have always had somewhat of an athletic ability. Neither of them ever supported me in any thing I did. I was a nuisance, a problem, something that had to be dealt with.

He was so oblivious I could literally sneak out of the house while he watched TV. The house had open ceilings on one side so that the kitchen and living room was big and open. On the edge of the living room, stairs ran up the wall to a bedroom, which I shared with my brother. Josh followed me to our dad's shortly after I left. My brother and I have always been close. The dude would be drunk watching TV or playing his guitar and I could just walk down the stairs, go right out the front door, and he would never even know. Living with him I had much more freedom than living with her. I did not know that I was not prepared to deal with such freedom all I knew was I loved it. As always, because of how she raised me I was quite ignorant about a great many things even though it was obvious I was quite intelligent.

She had always kept me locked down at home. She hid me because I was an embarrassment to her. He simply did not have a clue as to what he was dealing with. Like I said by the age of thirteen the stone had already been cast. She couldn’t control me anymore at all. I remember being sent to the principal’s office in the seventh grade. She was living in a small town outside of Jefferson City. That school was huge to me; there were over 600 kids in the seventh grade alone. It was extremely intimidating to me because I had only ever lived in really small towns. So naturally I got into a fight with someone. I was sitting outside the principal’s office while they were talking. They had left the door open so I could hear what they were saying. My mother was playing her victim role, making it entirely my fault, as if she had no responsibility for the way I was at all. The principal asked my mother if she had ever tried spanking me. My fists gripped. I was ready for that bitch to come give it a try. I heard my mother reply, “You go out there and spank him.” The principal was a female too, and she never came out to spank me. It is a good thing she did not because I would have gone to jail that day. No way in hell was I going to let that bitch touch me. By the time eighth grade started I was living with him.

Public school was never a good time to me because I was picked on so much. My favorite memories back then were of the summer time. Every day he would come home for lunch and if my brother and I had our chores done we were given money to go to the swimming pool. We would jam out to MTV while doing our chores then spend our afternoons at the pool. That was something that would never have happened living with her. Any time I ever received allowance from her she would always steal it back when I wasn't watching. She would only trick me. With him though, it was cash in hand. We loved that swimming pool. It had a high dive! Oh how I love to soar through the air before blasting into the water. There are few things as fun to do as that.

He remarried too, but only once. He is still married to his second wife to this day. His second wife's self esteem somehow managed to be even lower than his. Although I am not sure how such a thing is even possible. Unfortunately they had a daughter together. She is thirteen years younger than I. They ruined her life as surely as they tried to ruin mine. If you could see my half sister you would fully understand just how low their self esteems are; she is not capable of taking care of herself at all, and she is in her twenties now. It is an incredibly sad situation because she is just like them in that she cannot see the truth at all.

I resented him the same as my mother, but I had no connection with him, so there was no real hatred. Just a cold indifference. There was no bond of any kind. There never has been. He has always just been some dude I know.

My favorite sport in high school was wrestling. I still to this day love it. I have become acquainted with jujitsu as an adult because there really isn't any way to continue the wrestling realistically. I played foot ball too, but wrestling was my favorite by far. I think he ever only went to one of my wrestling matches and she never went to a single one. When I was in youth wrestling he would either drop me off or someone else's parents would take me. I think maybe I loved it so much because it was something I was good at. It was a one on one sport; no one else could make me lose. If I lost it was my fault and only my fault. This was freedom from my victim mentality even though I did not understand it then. Wrestling allowed me to live, if even for a few short minutes, on my own terms. When the referee blew the whistle I was free from it all.

In youth wrestling, freestyle was my favorite, because you could literally throw a guy over your head, and that was awesome! Matter of fact, one received more points the higher into the air one was carried. If I could position myself behind my opponent I could literally throw him up over my head. How awesome is that? I could throw someone over my head and not get into any trouble! I loved it so much. I managed to qualify for the state tournament my second year of youth wrestling. He still did not go. When I won second place I had to call and beg for the fifty bucks to enter into the national tournament. As you will come to see I never made it to that tournament.

Because I loved it so much I could have been a champion. I could have been an Olympian. I hated them both for robbing me of this. I know people now who have parents that supported them in their sports and they do not have half the drive I did. I really could have been a champ.

Hopefully it should be painfully obvious just how horrible the people who brought me into this world are. I will be fair and explain their situation later in the story, but nothing will change the facts. From my perspective they are despicable people. What kind of man allows another man to abuse his own son? The same day I told her to never contact me again was the same day I told him too. Even though it took me a long time to come to that decision it had to be. They do not deserve to know who I am. They do not deserve the gift of my presence. As Christians like to say, you reap what you sow.