Mind Bending

The mind bender came to me from James Hillman in his book The Soul's Code.  Having been studying astrology, or personology as two of my favorites call it for almost a decade now, this story has been quite profound on my psyche.  My worldview has to completely change once again.

Fraternal twins were separated at birth.  They immediately went to different step mothers.  Later in their lives they were studied because of the nature of their circumstances.  In interviews they both gave explanations for why they were perfectionist.  One twin said he was a perfectionist because his mother was too, and that she ingrained it into him.  The other said he was a perfectionist because his mother was really lazy and he was compensating for her.  Okay, that bends my mind.  Thinking about how deeply this phenomenon affects all of our lives is quite profound.

Think about it.  These twins have completely elaborate life experiences built into a life story explaining why they are perfectionist, but the truth is they were born that way.  It's just who they are.  It is quite difficult to wrap my mind around this.  Not them being born some certain way, but that they had complete life stories for a particular personality trait explaining why.   What does this say about my own memory, and my own life story?  This is why spiritual masters say to stop thinking and just be.  This is why they say stop judging.  These twins, via their explanation for their behavior implied a positive/negative to the behavior.  That in and of itself is a judgment.  The twins built stories around why they were the way they were, instead of just accepting themselves for who they were.  This information greatly clarifies my own inner vision of Self.  I too am a perfectionist, but had blamed it on my environment much like these twins did. 

All of my twenties I had deep beliefs for why I was the way I was.  I had blamed most of it on her, on my upbringing, on the abuse I suffered.  It by no means excuses the circumstances, but it changes my life story completely.  This shreds much illusion regarding just who I am.  It gives me power back knowing it had nothing to do with them; I simply am what I am.  But aren't we all this way?  We were born a certain way, and from that day on there has always been someone telling us who to be.   The very culture we are born into contradicts this inner voice by constantly telling us who to be. 

Maybe for you it is another trait, or like me, multiple traits, but I bet society, or culture, or family, or a church, or school  has been telling you to be some one certain way; telling you that you must do this or that to become good or bad, or to receive a reward or a punishment.  But what about our stories playing in our minds for why we are the way we are?  This culture tainted that vision too.  One could argue that the part of our mind that builds the story is the source of the illusion; the ego.  The story builder of our minds was forced to base the story on lies.  It happened before we could realize it was happening.

Honestly, can anyone say our personal stories are true after hearing this story?   Thinking about all the other stories I play about myself in my mind, replaying over and over again, regarding why things are the way they are, can they be any truer than these twins' reasons for their personality traits?  The study of personology has helped me come to terms with myself more than any other thing I have studied.   It has given me a base from which to judge the content of my life.  An anchor against the current of cultural thought. 

This knowledge really only leaves me with one choice left, and that is to just live in the moment.  To live like I do not even have a past, not the stories at least, not the personal touch.  They cannot be taken as legitimate; they are not real.  My stories are just something my immature mind made up to give me a sense of control in a world of chaos.  Until now, not ever knowing otherwise, continued to perpetuate those stories too, because I thought they were real.  That is what the ego is for after all; that is what it does.  But now the story is different.  It has to change.  Those stories no longer exist.  They have been shattered.  It's just me now, right here, and there is nothing else to it.

This might scare some people.  Realizing it is all a lie is difficult indeed.  I think some people won't want to go there.  They sense the loneliness of it all.  Letting go of all those stories leaves one standing very alone.  I'd say those who stop in fear haven't yet realized their potential.  They are not aware of what they are truly capable.   They are afraid of what they could be, of shining so bright no one can see them.