It was Memorial Day. Since the libraries are closed due to the holiday I posted up in a local coffee house to charge my phone and get some reading done. I’ve been re-reading the don Juan stories, and was almost finished with one of the books. As I was reading a man sat on one end of the couch, directly across from me. I was posted up in a comfy single seat. He put his laptop on the coffee table, and proceeded to do whatever it was he was doing. I really wasn’t paying him any mind.
My typical reading fashion is to read a chapter or two, put the book down, and then read an article or two on FB that is not the same topic. It’s not easy anymore to stay on top of all the technological advances being made. New ones happen almost every day. I share some posts, and depending on my mood, or the mood of FB itself, set the bait with some mirrors, ponder it all, then pick the book back up for another chapter or two. The don Juan stories are deep, and heavy with metaphor, so often I sit and ponder for minutes at a time.
He was sitting across me for who knows how long. When I am reading I don’t really have a sense of time. I only had one chapter to go, and this guy, Dan, asks me if it’s a good book. I tell him it’s one of the best, and after he inquires, tell him briefly about the book. Everyone finds the Castaneda stories interesting. Who wouldn’t be thrilled being tricked by a shaman?
We ended up having a two hour metaphysical discussion. This guy was really big on the “law of attraction.” It’s a definitive stage of spiritual growth. It’s definitely a step on the path, regardless of whichever path one chooses. It eventually came to be known to him that I am an atheist. Poor guy could have no idea that I was shamaning him, but the whole time we were talking he was giving me one of the greatest gifts, so I had to return the favor. I don’t like accepting gifts, so I always give one back.
Towards the end of the discussion, after having backed him into a logical corner, he admits defeat. Not directly, but in that kind of questioning, “seems to be this way” plea. I’m right eyeing him, and I say clear as day, “Maybe you don’t yet have enough personal power to live your life without needing beliefs.” That was as much as he could take. Any more and he would have been running out of there.
He gave me a tremendous gift though.
I’ve been threatening to write a book so long now, I doubt anyone thinks I will do it. What most might not know though, is that everything I’ve ever written is for the most part digitally saved. All that is the rough draft. My life prior to the age of 21 is book worthy all by itself. I’m at least smart enough to be keeping that part safe. I must admit it is a bit daunting to me even though it shouldn’t be. Typically the words just write themselves. The stories find me.
Writing a book reminds me of college. After having gone to college I can clearly see it was the easiest thing in the world to do. But for me, it was more difficult than anything I had ever done. You see, as a child I was brainwashed that college was out of my reach. Making it to MU without sabotaging myself was a real miracle. It took everything I had to pull that off. The emotional process of actually walking onto campus was one of the most powerful experiences I’ve ever had. Not because college is awesome, but because I did not fuck it up. I proved those pieces of shit wrong.
This book thing feels that way. I could easily write a book. Anyone could. I cannot so easily overcome my own self-destructive patterns. That, is the real work.
The whole time this guy was talking to me about his idea of god, he had a small paperback book in his hands. He eventually showed it to me. It was a collection of poems he had written. He told me he has published other books. I was just sitting there taking it all in.
His photo on the back, bar code, artsy cover; everything about it was real. It was a real book the same as any I’ve ever read. Here is where the Universe kicks me in the nuts. He said it was his rough draft, and that it only cost him 2.53$ to have made. He has one made, and then does his editing on the actual book. It took everything I had to keep my jaw from dropping. He said he’s sold a couple thousand copies of the other books he has written. Okay, now the Universe is kicking me while laying on the ground recovering from the nut shot.
He has me read one of his poems. His favorite one in the book. It was something about giving love to those who hate. I’ve already taken up the god tactic, so I can’t press him on this one too. But no where ever in history, has the evil guys gave up because their enemies loved them. That is just not how it works. That is some idealistic Christian bullshit. I’m not even into poetry, but I oblige him. He spent some time talking about some other books he’s written. He chided me for keeping him from getting any re-writing done, but he knew he wanted that metaphysical conversation.
He told me about his professional life. He likes to fix things up carpentry style. Told me about other jobs he had, things he’s done. You know me, I’m always asking questions. He’s tells me why he took up this writing poetry.
He used to know this guy like ten years ago. This guy had a good job, and was working on making a movie. I think maybe Dan looked up to him because he seemed to be being creative in life. I couldn’t get the gist of why they were such friends, or even why this guy stood out to him so much. Then he says, crazily, that he just saw this guy last week at the library. They got to talking, and it turns out this guy is still doing the exact same thing; working the same job, still working on his movie. He’s astounded by this guy, seven years he says, and he’s still doing the same thing. He tells me he took that as a sign; he needs to change what he’s doing.
I just kept thinking how amazing the Universe is. This guy, on this day, with that book, and those stories. He could not have had any idea what he was doing. More than likely he was just getting more validation for his “law of attraction” theory. By the way, I don’t discredit that theory, but it is far from all there is to it. In typical Christian fashion, he seemed to be holding it way too far up on high. There is so much more to life than going around paying attention to the fact that we all attract things. The Universe balances everything.
Needless to say I cannot stop thinking about that little 2.53$ book. I’ve often in my head calculated the odds. Gauging by the number of reads my blog gets, versus the number of FB friends I have, if I extrapolate those numbers out to the population as a whole, my writing would get enough readers. Logistically speaking there is no reason I could fail, except that demon following me around still, telling me I’m stupid.
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