Wednesday, January 22, 2014

It's crippling us all.


You see, I seem narcissistic to most because most have parents.  I talk about myself right to people.  Probably thinking what does having a family have to do with it?  Most have a family right?  If you are like me and you don't have a family, one must still generate that feeling for one's self.  I can't actually generate a family, but if I don't generate the feeling one has from having a family, I am lost.  It's the sense of self that comes from having parents, having a family that one must build.  No one would ever call a person narcissistic because they talked about their family, but when you don't have a family, what are you supposed to talk about?   You talk about yourself.

Ultimately this is true of everyone; we are all alone in the world, but a great many never realize it because their families are always there.  It's an unconscious phenomenon to be connected with one's family.  The only way to know what it is like to not have one is to cut those ties.  No one is willingly going to do that if their family is loving and caring.  It can be one of the hardest things to get through to someone; that their family really wasn't the great thing  they like to think it is.  I've met so many people who were abused as children and never realized it because they want to believe they have a family.  It's that bias of having an opinion before assessing the situation.  People have an opinion already in mind, an image, something made up in the imagination, and then they look at their family.  People will say, "Oh well, he's my dad," and then totally accept that they were abused as if his being the person that got their mother pregnant actually justifies abuse. or somehow that makes it okay to be abusive.  And why did the mother allow it to happen?  A great many people do not wish to come to terms with this. 

This is definitely one of the lines that is drawn in the sand by culture.  That is to say, people are either on one side or the other, one either has parents or they don't, and the culture as a whole makes sure one knows which side they are on.  There is no grey area here, except when in transition.  It's that switch I spoke of previously.  Having no family generates a certain feeling on the inside.  It causes a biological change.  I didn't want to self-destruct, so I had to fill the hole.  I tried to fill the hole with other people, but they always let me down.  They have always betrayed me.   

So eventually I filled that vacant feeling with my very own sense of self.  It's genius and it works.  I searched and searched, with all my might for the answer to this riddle.  I never found anyone to help me with it.  I've never read it said that way before.  I taught myself to love my Self because no one else did.  No one else could do that for me.  The only consequence of this is to be misunderstood, but as Emerson so perfectly expressed in Self-Reliance, “to be great is to be misunderstood.”  Most people don't understand it because they have not learned to truly love themselves, so they just think they do because they believe what the culture told them. 

I remember sitting in a pizza shop with two friends a few years ago.  My friends were both talking about their families and telling stories about their childhood.  I never engage in these conversations, so I was just listening.  If I were to talk to these two about my childhood they would forever after see me differently.  Their view of me would forever after be tainted with pity.  These two women didn't know me well enough to know about my past.  I can’t stand being pitied.  One of them was talking about how she got a spanking once for doing something wrong.  She got spanked once.  She was explaining how it was the only time she was ever spanked and how it still to this day stands out in her mind.  Her spanking amounted to a couple swats on the butt.  Where I come from that is a warning.  In her mind being spanked once was traumatic.  I remember looking at her and thinking, who would she be if she had been raised like me?   Who would I be if I had been raised like her? 

People with families are dependent on their families even if they don't think they are.  Looking out, I can see that everyone is connected unconsciously, which is exactly the problem; it is unconscious.  Most are totally unconscious that they have an unconscious mind, not to mention all it's enormous powers.  One can't consciously turn off the unconscious connection.  It just is.  We are all connected; it’s just a matter of degrees on how much that is so, and how aware one is of that fact.   

Without having the experience of not having a family, one cannot know what they would be like without it.  The John Doe with a family and the John Doe without a family are entirely different John Does.  People can intellectualize about it all day, but they won't actually know until it happens.  Look up the statistics and life stories regarding men whose spouse dies.  The John Doe after his spouse dies is never the same again.  These events change us physiologically.  These events change our very function.  Think about how this plays out in the entirety of a life.  Think of the child thrown under the bus from day one.  As if that person will ever act like all those with a family.  A person with a family can only imagine.

Can you see the huge problem this issue creates?  For the most part it is people with families calling the shots.  The ones who never really wake up in life because their whole life was lived in comfort.  Even in their most frantic states they are safe.  Almost all of the health care people, the teachers, college professors, doctors, lawyers, nurses, judges, and politicians, almost all the people making the important decisions about our communities; most of them have no idea what is really going on.  They make huge life changing decisions regarding things they truly don't understand at all, and they do it all day long. 

I've met so many of these people over the years it overwhelmed me.  The bitterness of it got the better of me for a while.  I spent enormous amounts of time alone attempting to wrap my head around it all.  I've spent most of my life searching for a like mind.  College was more disappointing in my life than the woman who gave birth to me was.  I got really depressed because of how ignorant college was.  It’s not fair to expect that woman to be intelligent simply because she gave birth to me, but it is fair to expect the people in charge of colleges to be intelligent.   I truly believed that when I got to college I would finally be around intelligent people who understood what was going on in our culture; it was a huge disappointment. 

I learned that the word education has no value in public education.  During four years of college I found two people who understood, maybe three, because that last person was borderline aware.  The cards were still on the table for her.  Almost all of the people that I met take their life for granted with no genuine appreciation at all.  They are so blinded by the lies of this culture that even when they think they are showing appreciation they really are not. 

They take so much for granted.  They assume so many things simply because they were told to.  You get it right?  They are the ones who complain about health care then feed their kids McDonalds.  Complain about the economy, but are in debt to Bank of America.   My favorite was the college administrator who talked about health care issues while his college fed the dorm kids poison like it is going out of style.  How does a guy get to be one of the top administrators of a college, which is a multi-million dollar business, yet he can't even recognize something so blatantly obvious right in front of his face?  If you don't want health care problems, don't eat poisonous food.  It's common sense, yet an "educated" college administrator doesn't see it?  He is blinding generations of children from the truth and he doesn't even know it.  Perpetuating lies for a salary.  He openly participates in feeding children poison for a paycheck while calling them educated as they do so.  It really is absurd if you think about it at all. 

The truth is, that guy didn't know how to take care of himself, yet he is deciding what is best for others.  If he doesn't even know what is best for himself how can he possibly know what is best for someone else?  It's everywhere.  This is why I don't care what others say.  This is why I don't care about their rules and regulations.  It's why I don't care if people think I am narcissistic, or an asshole.  It's not that I hate them, or even dislike them, I let the bitterness go, but that I see them for what they are; decisions made by ignorant people.   

We are all connected.  It affects us all.  People with no real education, no understanding, no awareness, yet are in charge of our communities, big and small, are letting terrible things happen.  Most of them just want that paycheck.  They want recognition.  They aren't making those important decisions for our well-being, but for their own paycheck and notoriety.   I don’t understand why they can’t do both; handle our over all well being, and make money, and have recognition?

It's crippling us all.

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